A disgruntled reader recently forwarded the following to me.
I have edited it a good bit, taking out parts that weren’t fit for printing in a family newspaper, and also ins erting parts that aren’t fit for printing in a family newspaper.
If you find it offensive, sexist, or not funny, I accept no responsibility. If you think it’s hilarious, I take full credit.
Basically, the below is a quiz that measures how well men are treating their special lady friend, using an easy-to-follow point system of merit/demerit that I don’t understand at all. You will be graded at the end of class.
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..... -1 You leave the toilet seat up...... -5 You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..... 0 When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..... 1 When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom..... -2 You check out a suspicious noise at night...... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..... +5 You pummel it with a six iron..... +10 It’s a plant ....... -40 AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party...... 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy...... -2 Named Tiffany....... -4 Tiffany is a dancer....... -10 HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday...... 0 You buy a card and flowers..... 0 You take her out to dinner..... 0 You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar..... +1 Okay, it is a sports bar..... -2 And it’s all-you-can-eat night..... -3 It’s a sports bar, it’s all-youcan- eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..... -10 A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal...... 0 The pal is happily married...... +1 The pal is single...... -7 He drives a Corvette....... -10 A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie..... +2 You take her to a movie she likes..... +4 You take her to a movie you hate...... +6 You take her to a movie you like...... -2 It’s called “Death Cop 3”...... -3 Which features Cyborgs that eat humans..... -9 You lied and said it was a musical ..... -15 YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly....... -15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...... +10 You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...... -30 You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”...... .-800 THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
You hesitate in responding..... 10 You reply, “Where?”....... -35 You reply, “No, I think it’s your butt.”...... -100 Any other response....... -20 COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying concern....... 0 You listen, for over 30 minutes....... +5 You relate to her problem and share a similar experience..... +50 You’re mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying “well, what do you think I should do?”...... -50 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..... +100 She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep..... -200 I’m certain I failed. How about you?
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
