The sermon was called “What’s Your Hurry?”, delivered by visiting minister, Dr. Harrison Everett Breen.
His message was simple: Slow down. Relax. Enjoy “the simple pleasures of life.” You won’t find the “secret of the universe by hurtling through it.”
At the conclusion of the service, Aunt Bee, Andy and Barney met Dr. Breen at the door of the church.
“Oh, Dr. Breen, your sermon has such a wonderful lesson for us,” cooed Aunt Bee. Andy agreed, telling Dr. Breen that he “had hit the nail on the head.” Barney, who slept through most of the sermon, added, “Yes, sir, that’s one subject you just can’t talk enough about... SIN.”
“The Sermon for Today” from “The Andy Griffith Show” leads me to my Sermon for Today, entitled, “Sin... What It Be?”
What I’m concerned about is what constitutes a sin. I know the biggies – thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, thou shalt honor thy father and mother, et al.
But what about the possible sins that aren’t definitively outlined in the Good Book; ones that fall in that huge valley of gray area. Like coveting thy neighbor’s lawnmower? Is that a sin? Shall thou still honor thy father if he is Kanye West?
And the most perplexing of all – what shall thou do with church programs after thy service is over?
That’s the one that continually baffles me, along with the one about my neighbor’s lawnmower. Is it a sin to throw away religious literature? I’ve scanned the entire books of Titus and Philemon and can’t find anything that remotely touches on the subject.
When I was in college, the Gideons would pass out those little Bibles about once a month to students walking to class. It would be rude, and perhaps sacrilege, to not accept them, so I would take one whenever a Gideon would stick one in front of me.
Four years later, I had a closet full of those little green Bibles. Could I throw them away? I don’t know. The Bible doesn’t expressly forbid throwing away Gideon Bibles to my knowledge, but doing so just didn’t feel right.
When I graduated and moved out, I just left the Gideon Bibles in the closet – probably yet another sin.
Now, I am faced with the dilemma of what to do with used church bulletins/programs. I usually just fold them and put them in my jacket pocket. But when every jacket I own is jam-packed with the things, something has to be done.
As is my custom, should I just dump all my bulletin-filled jackets in someone else’s closet for them deal with? Or should I simply throw them in the trash, as I do with programs for ballet recitals, football games, mud wrestling matches, cock fights, etc?
Divine intervention struck me as I slept through Sunday’s sermon – instead of putting ketchup on a hamburger, why not just feed ketchup to cows?
If that wasn’t enough, I also came up with: Why not have a church program recycling bin at the church door? That way, as you walk out, you can discard of your church program guilt-free and restore God’s Green Earth at the same time.
And while you’re walking out, tell the preacher how much you enjoyed the sermon, adding “that’s one subject you just can’t talk enough about... SIN.”
If he doesn’t recognize it as a quote from “The Andy Griffith Show,” I’m pretty sure that’s a sin
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
