Lottery dreams of snazzy wing-dings & whatnots
“What would you do if you won the lottery?”
My wife poses this query every time we’re in the car going somewhere and I want to listen to Steely Dan.
Even though I rarely buy a lottery ticket, I play along. And along. And along.
“Well, the first thing I would do upon realizing I had won the lottery is buy a tank.”
I wait for her response. “Why a tank?”
“Because I would have to drive to Atlanta to claim my money, and I can’t think of a worse way to die than getting run over in your car on the way to pick up your lottery winnings.
“So, I would drive my tank to Atlanta, pick up my money, preferably in a briefcase handcuffed to my wrist. The first thing I would do when I got home was have a big party.
“I would invite everyone I know, and don’t know, and I would have a band, either the Rolling Stones or Earth, Wind & Fire, or both, all kinds of chicken wings and fireworks, and a dunking booth, some adult bouncy houses, a three-legged race, and a Jack Elam Look-A-Like Contest.
“Sort of like Fourth of July, except it would be in my honor instead of celebrating our independence from the Germans.
“After the big party for me, I would go out and buy six cars – one for every day of the week. One of them would be an Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Then, I’d have another big party, except this one would be a snazzy wingding where I would walk around in a smoking jacket and ascot and talk in an English accent, and it would be held at a mansion with a concrete pond.
“Then, I would gather up all my friends and we would go on a year-long road trip. You’re invited, of course. And we would go to every major sporting event in the world – the World Series, the Masters, the World Cup, the Daytona 500, the Running of the Bulls, the NCAA basketball championship, the college football playoffs, the NBA championship, the Super Bowl, the SEC Championship, the Winter Olympics, the Georgia-Florida game, and the Ice Capades.
“Then, I’d come back home and buy the Falcons.”
Out of breath, I allowed my wife her turn.
“What would you do?”
After a moment of thought, she said “Of course, I would give 10 percent to our church, then I would put the rest of the money in a charitable foundation. The foundation would support causes for children, and work to combat hunger and disease, specifically in rural or impoverished areas.
“This foundation would support people in ways maybe the government can’t, in areas around the world, and here locally, that truly need it.”
I pondered her lottery dream for a second.
“Yeah, I meant that I would do all that stuff I mentioned after I did what you said, giving to charity and churches and whatnot. Yep, that was my plan as well.”
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
