As if just reading this newspaper wasn’t enough, part of the beauty of a newspaper is that it has so many varied and diverse uses.
Besides the bargains you will find inside the pages of the newspaper, the newspaper itself is a veritable smorgasbord of savings.
As all three regular readers of this column can attest, I have on occasion pointed out some of the alternative uses of a newspaper in this space. As an unlicensed consumer advocate, I again feel it is my duty to inform the populace of the cost-cutting attributes of this product.
So, as a public service, I’ll offer a recap of some uses I’ve mentioned previously, as well as adding some benefits I just thought of minutes ago.
Thus, after reading this newspaper cover-to-cover, you can also use this newspaper for:
• Lining your bird cage.
• Wrapping fish.
• Cleaning glass. Newspaper is the absolute BEST glass cleaner, for windows or eyeglasses. Spray a liquid on the glass itself, then wipe with newspaper. Leaves no residue for a spotless shine.
• Making paper airplanes.
• Protecting your floor or rug while painting.
• Wrapping presents.
• Drying shoes. Instead of clunking your shoes in a dryer, just fill your shoes with newspaper to dry and deodorize.
• Starting a fire (You don’t even need a match. Just rub the papers together for a really, really long time).
• Making a nifty, whimsical chapeau.
• Lining your refrigerator vegetable drawers.
Keeps it dry and free of smells.
• Feeding your worm farm. Little-known fact: Worms love newspapers.
• A tablecloth. Perfect as a disposable tablecloth for seafood. I use it when shucking oysters so folks can read while they eat.
• A cape.
• A blanket (perfect for the Sunday afternoon nap).
• Making paper mache handicrafts (whatever they are).
• Packing delicate items.
• Lining storage boxes and shelves.
Again, newspaper keeps it dry and absorbs odors.
• A car or truck mat when it’s muddy or has been raining.
• Covering books, particularly school books.
• Toilet paper (a temporary fix, per my recommendation).
• A handkerchief.
• A great sleuthing device.
Barney Fife revolutionized this concept on an episode of “The Andy Griffith Show” by cutting two small holes in the paper so as to spy on a suspect while putting on the aura of actually reading the news – Brilliant!
Can you do all these things if you read the newspaper online, on a computer?
Yes! But it will be quite cumbersome to clean your eyeglasses with a laptop, and not nearly as effective either. And, I have found that feeding your smart phone to worms is not very costeffective.
When you consider all of the applicable functions for this newspaper, in addition to actually reading its content – whatever you paid for it was a steal. You may want to pay extra, just to be fair.
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@ clinchcounty news
