Students see failure isn’t defining

Action pact program shows response is lasting factor

I walked into the first session of a five-week youth leadership program with a curriculum and a plan, and within about 10 minutes I knew the plan needed to bend.

The session was “Transformative Bounce Back Brilliance,” an initiative built around John C. Maxwell’s “Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn for Teens.” The goal was to talk about resilience, humility, and what it means to lead.

But in that room, what mattered most was a group of teenagers quietly deciding if I was worth their time. I understood.

Most of us have sat through enough leadership workshops for youth to know how they go. An adult talks, kids nod, and everyone leaves with a certificate.

These students could spot that a mile away. If I turned this into a lecture, I knew I’d lose them before we even began.

So, we skipped the lecture. We started with stories about famous names who failed before they succeeded. We laughed together during team challenges like Survival Island, where everyone had to make tough choices and talk about what they’d do differently next time.

The room changed. Students weren’t just answering questions, they were thinking out loud.

We talked about basketball star Michael Jordan getting cut from his high school basketball team, and quarterback Brett Favre, who won a lot and lost plenty, too.

No one admires them because they never failed, they’re admired because they kept going.

That opened the door for students to share their own stories — a bad grade, losing a spot on the team, family struggles, friendships that fell apart, and moments when they wondered if they were enough.

Failure can hang around if we let it. It can make young people believe one mistake is all they are.

That’s why we talked about what Maxwell calls the traps of failure. They’re the places we get stuck if we never learn how to move forward.

Those talks turned out to be some of the session’s most honest moments. By the third week, we turned to humility. Instead of a definition, we looked at real people.

Students named athletes and entertainers, debating who led with humility and who let pride get in the way.

We then played one of the entire program’s simplest activities. Each student stood in a circle while passing a ball of yarn across the room. Every time someone caught it, they asked another student a question before tossing it again.

As the yarn traveled from person to person, it slowly created a giant web connecting every student in the room. I’ve facilitated this activity before and it usually ends with a few laughs and a tangled mess of string, but this time was different.

One student looked around at the web and quietly asked, “If I let go, does the whole thing fall apart?”

For a moment, nobody answered. I smiled and said, “And that’s the lesson.”

Every person and their connection mattered. If you took away one strand, the whole web changed. That simple activity taught us more about leadership than any speech.

What surprised me most weren’t the students who always spoke up, but the quiet ones. The ones who barely said a word at first, started participating.

By the third week, some of them were inviting others in, making sure no one was left out. Change doesn’t usually happen all at once. Most of the time, it happens quietly.

Talking about accountability was the hardest part, and maybe the most honest. We talked about what happens after we make mistakes.

Do we blame someone else? Do we make excuses? Do we quit? Or do we own our choices and grow from them?

The discussions became deeply personal. Students shared stories about disappointing teachers, parents, teammates, and even themselves.

There were moments when I intentionally allowed silence to fill the room. Silence can be uncomfortable, but I’ve learned something about teenagers. If you create a safe space, they’ll often use that silence to tell the truth.

By graduation day, the transformation wasn’t measured by presentations. It showed up in small ways.

One was the way students corrected each other gently instead of trying to be right. The excitement over taking pictures together, asking me to be their photographer. No one rolled their eyes when someone got emotional sharing a setback.

Those moments reminded me leadership isn’t about being the loudest, but about lifting others while you keep growing, too.

Every student got a certificate that day. I left with something else — a renewed belief when young people have a safe place, trusted relationships, and a chance to be heard, they start to see failure differently. Not as the end of the story, but as the start of something new.

People often think of Educational Talent Search (ETS) as the place that helps students get ready for college, fill out forms, and plan for careers. All of that matters, but there’s another side to ETS.

In between the college prep and career talks, our team is helping young people get ready for life, teaching resilience, building confidence, and growing emotional strength.

We’re showing students that a setback doesn’t decide their future. What matters is how they respond.

That’s exactly why series like Transformative Bounce Back Brilliance matter.

After spending five weeks with these students, I’d add just one more thought: “Sometimes they learn ... and in the process, they grow and become the leaders our communities have been waiting for.”

I’m grateful for the ETS team, and for every student who showed up each week ready to learn, grow, and challenge themselves.

To learn more about ETS and other youth leadership opportunities, visit www.myactionpact.org or call (912) 285-6083.

Maigan is Director for Growth and Community Engagement for action pact.