Growing up, I never thought much about what my life would be like when I got old.
It wasn’t until recently I realized getting old and ugly has some significant perks. When I was young, I never thought of it this way, but I’m starting to realize it now. It makes me smile to see the perks I’m discovering.
Nobody wants to admit they’re ugly. They don’t spend enough time looking in the mirror to come to that universal conclusion One perk of aid is the help you sometimes get from people. The other day, for example, I was walking to a store. I’d hurt my leg a couple of days before, and because of that, I was using a cane and looked like I was limping. I felt grateful for the kindness I received, which warmed my heart.
When I came to the door, before I could even reach for the handle, someone opened it for me. I never expected that perk, but I’m enjoying it.
I must confess though, I now sometimes exaggerate the limp to get attention.
The perk of being ugly is something I just found out. When I was young, I was very careful around people, especially women. I made it a rule not to talk to women I did not know.
But being ugly means nobody is going to take you seriously. I can walk up to a group of women, for example, and begin a conversation and nobody thinks anything about it.
My wife Martha, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, can have the greatest confidence that wherever I am, and if I’m alone, no woman is going to hit on me. I just discovered that recently. I was so protective up to this point, but now that I’m old and ugly, I’ve nothing to fear.
It is a blessing to enjoy perks like this. I can be confident in some groups or on my own. I don’t have to worry that someone would spread a rumor that somebody had an eye for me. Women don’t give ugly men a second look.
Last week, I was in a restaurant by myself, and when the waitress brought my bill, I said in a joking way, “Do old, ugly guys get discounts?”
We both laughed, and she said, “As a matter of fact, we do give discounts like that. I can give you a 20 percent discount on your bill.”
At first, I thought she was joking, but when the bill came, I saw the reduction. Oh, what a joy it is to be old and ugly, I thought. It’s surprising how many perks come with this stage of life, and I’m enjoying every one of them.
I want to get as old and ugly as I possibly can and live long enough to cash out on all the perks available.
The older and uglier I get, the more I understand the beauty of the life I’m living. That made me think of a wonderful Bible verse.
“The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the grey head.”
— Proverbs 20: 29
My grey hair reveals my beauty. I’m proud of it, and I don’t care what other people think.
Dr. Snyder is a former pastor who lives with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, wife Martha, in Ocala, Fla. His email is jamessnyder5’@gmail.com.
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