It is required by law you have a license to drive a car.
It is required by law that you have a license to fish.
It is required by law that you do not remove a tag from a mattress.
But anybody – any age, any sex, any national origin, criminal record or not – can operate a grocery cart in a supermarket. No license required.
I find this oversight to be unsatisfactory and a stain on these United States of America.
First off, let me stress that I’m usually against additional forms of regulation by governmental entities – unless in the case of a national emergency. We’ve surpassed that point.
Simply put, people (other than myself, of course) don’t know how to operate grocery carts. It’s a national, perhaps international, epidemic of recklessness, ignorance and buffoonery. Since our government is in that exact same state, it comes down to me to solve this problem – as usual.
I have come up with a list of basic guidelines of how to operate a grocery cart in a supermarket. Please post on your refridgerator, or forehead: 1. Drive your cart on the right side.
In most grocery stores, there is room for two carts to navigate one aisle. If cart drivers observe this simple guideline, traffic flow will go more smoothly. If they don’t, it won’t. And remember: Your right side, not theirs.
2. Do not park your cart, or gaze for five minutes at the bread selection with your cart, in the middle of the aisle.
This prevents others from doing their shopping, and causes a traffic jam behind you. Keeping your cart to the right, and out of the middle of the aisle, will prevent such gridlock.
3. If you want to study the nutrional guidelines for a certain item, fine. Leave your cart elsewhere.
If you prefer to take your sweet time and study how much Riboflavin is in each of the products you are considering purchasing, or compare prices using an abacus, do so without blocking a lane for the other shoppers. You can simply park your cart somewhere out of the way of others, and meander around at your leisure.
4. Only use a motorized shopping cart if you need one.
I was at the supermarket recently when an elderly woman hobbled up to find there were no motorized shopping carts (which I call “rascals”) available. Instead, two kids were using them, swerving them around the store like the Dukes of Hazzard.
C’mon, people.
5. Be alert to your surroundings.
I’ve found that when people are operating grocery carts, they have a blind side – mainly everything in front, behind, and to the left and right of them. They don’t notice if someone (usually, me) is waiting patiently behind them.
Side mirrors for grocery carts could help, but I doubt it. Just try to be more aware of what is, or who is, around you.
6. At checkout, if you have a full cart, let the guy buying one Kit Kat go ahead of you.
Pay it forward. One day, if you follow this guideline, someone will show you the same courtesy, and you’ll be glad.
As you may be able to tell from my tone, I don’t particularly enjoy grocery shopping. I only do so for two reasons: 1. I’m always hungry; and B. My wife refuses to go.
It’s only taken me 30 years of marriage, and of having to wait on aisle 5 while a man stares at the Rice Krispies with his cart in the middle of the aisle for what seems like that same amount of time, to realize why.
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
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