Four young men were sprawled across our TV room recently, attempting to define laziness.
“What are y’all doing?,” said the old man wandering by, who was wearing my pants. And shirt.
My query was met with muted grunts.
This prompted me to speak louder. “WHAT ARE YOU GUYS UP TO? WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS TODAY?”
“Nuttin,” said the muffled spokesperson, who happened to be my son. “There’s nothing to do.”
It was raining as they sat in front of a TV with 275 channels.
“Nothing to do?,” I asked with a smirk. “You can always play hideand- seek, like you used to.”
They smiled knowingly. For years, our house – an older home with many quirky features and hiding places – was a favorite “hide-and-seek” location for our kids and their friends.
This prompted some fond remembrances – including when I found my youngest son hiding in our linen closet. This is actually a “half-closet,” with the door starting about waist level.
As I opened this door, I was startled by a 58-pound sack of boy falling into my arms. He had wedged himself inside the linen closet, about five feet above ground level. The opening of the door sent him careening into my unwanting arms.
In that .14 seconds, I aged 14 years.
“What are you doing in the linen closet?” I asked (no, screamed at) him.
“Playing hide-and-seek,” he answered. “They would have never found me there.”
This episode warranted a reinforcement of our house hide-andseek rules – established long ago by a father much younger and thinner. Even though our kids are no longer playing hide-and-seek in our home, I am sharing these now as a public service.
Younger parents, feel free to cut and paste them on your fridge for your children to follow, or for your adult hide-and-seek league.
Hide-and-Seek Tip #1: (as evidenced by this episode) Do not hide in an area that you spill out of if the door opens.
Whoever finds you may have a heart condition.
#2: Do not hide in a clothes washer or dryer.
While tempting, it is not fun if someone turns the machines on. Ask our cat.
#3: Do not hide in a refrigerator.
Refrigerators, other than ours, get cold. You also may not be able to breathe.
#4: Do not hide in other people’s houses.
Other people may not appreciate the surprise of finding you in their cupboard, particularly the old man down the street that keeps threatening to shoot our dog.
#5: Do not hide in an animal’s cage.
Two main reasons why this is a bad idea: A. Animals (particularly, jungle cats) may bite you if you enter their territory without an invitation; and B. Once you get in an animal’s cage, you are ineffective at hide-and-seek the rest of the day because all the seekers will have to do is follow the smell to find you.
#6: Do not hide in a place where there are cables or wires.
It could mess up the TV reception.
#7: Do not play hide-and-seek on Saturdays during football season.
On those dates, you may only play “hide.”
#8: Do not hide in a toilet. It’s just common sense. If my shoe can’t fit in there, neither can a little boy or girl.
#9: Do not hide in an oven. Yes, even the microwave. #10: Do not hide in the attic. That is your father’s hiding place.
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
