After being married for more than 50 years, I’ve concluded the secret of a happy marriage is a happy wife. What it takes to make her happy is worth all the effort.
The biggest difference we’ve had throughout the years is the “broccoli and apple fritter.” These two things never intermingle.
Fortunately, we’ve compromised. She gets the broccoli, and I get the fritter. There’s just no way to mix the two.
It took me a while to realize that if I win, then nobody’s happy. What good is it to win and not really enjoy the winnings? But when she wins, she’s happy, and when she’s happy, so am I.
For example, when we want to go to a restaurant, we have to decide which one. For me, it doesn’t really matter as long as they have food and coffee. But for The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, wife Martha, there’s a different restaurant for each celebration.
This is where I learned what compromise is all about and how to use it to my advantage.
“Dear, which restaurant do you think we ought to go to tonight for our celebration?”
Looking at me, she said, “I’d like to go to the Southern Pig and Cattle restaurant.”
From my perspective, it didn’t matter. I’ve been there several times, and I know they have food and coffee. That’s all that really matters to me.
So now I need to work on my compromise scheme. “Well,” I said to her rather seriously, “I was thinking we ought to go to IHOP. I really love their food.”
That got her thinking a little and she replied, “I’d like IHOP, too, but for our dinner tonight, I’d still like to go to Southern Pig and Cattle restaurant.”
I tried to stretch it out as long as possible and replied, “Well, I’m not into that restaurant as much as you. I’s really like to go to IHOP tonight.”
I paused a little bit and then said, “Well, if that is what you prefer tonight I’m willing to let you choose.”
I never see her smile as much as she does when something like that happens. What she doesn’t know is that I won the compromise and not her. That gives me a little bit of leverage down the road when we’re facing another compromise situation.
I always begin by saying, “Do you remember when you wanted to go to the Southern Pig and Cattle and I wanted to go to IHOP and I gave in?”
She looked at me with a great deal of reluctance and said, “Yeah, I remember. So, I’ll let you have it this time.”
There’s nothing quite like winning each time and not getting caught. Thinking about this, one of my favorite Bible verses came to mind.
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” — Amos 3:3
I’m sure there are many applications to this verse. It applies to all parts of our lives. Being “agreed” is among the most important parts of humanity.
When applied to marriage, it’s a wonderful expectation. Walking together is the blessing of our Christian experience.
Dr. Snyder is a former pastor who lives with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, wife Martha, in Ocala, Fla. His email is [email protected].
