Look to the skies for Pierce County’s data center solution. That’s right—this is one data center you won’t have to worry about taking up space on county property. ACME Data Solutions CEO, Dr. Barry Smart, reportedly created the Airborne model as an innovative solution to rural counties’ most common complaints surrounding data centers.
“This model mitigates almost all major concerns that locals have been expressing,” said Nadella. “Thanks to the gases emitted by our computers’ processing, the perfect storm of CO2, HO2 and SO2 work together to levitate the facility, so county land won’t be compromised.”
Dr. Smart also congratulated himself on figuring out how to propel the data center along county lines so no one area is affected.
“This way, no one feels targeted,” said Nadella. “The Airborne will hover over your land only for a day or two before moving on to your neighbor.” Based on Pierce County’s size, Dr. Smart estimates the floating data center should make its way back around in three weeks.
When asked about how he plans to address the issue of freshwater use, Smart said the center is programmed to sit itself straight in the Satilla, the Alabaha or the Hurricane Creek when it needs to drink up.
“So you won’t have to worry about trucking water out to the facility every day … That is what you guys were worried about, right?”
For those worried the center will utilize artificial intelligence to monitor Pierce Countians, Dr. Smart issued a response.
“Oh, of course! But that isn’t something that should frighten you. We only use the information to sell to big corporations, so they know what to advertise to you. Think of it as just another way your technology is personalized— kind of like how I’ve personalized the Airborne to suit Pierce County’s needs.”
Dr. Smart rushed to attend to a beaver emergency before The Times could request a closing statement.
