Send $ to Dewey, Cheatham & Howe
As you read this, I have 10,707 unread e-mails.
This seems to bother people other than me.
Most of these e-mails are correspondence from agents pretending to be from Delta, Kroger, Marriott, or residents of the continent of Africa (an educated guess), who say they have large sums of money sitting in banks there unclaimed.
If the people of this continent just have banks with cash for the taking, and our banks are so darned finicky about doling their dough, I figure it’s worth a shot to send a message to one of its residents in an effort to help pay my power bill, and buy a fishing boat or two.
As you will probably notice, I have written this letter in their brand of English to secure their confidence.
Attn: Request for Partnership Dear Sir/Madam: Compliments of the day and my best wishes to you. I wish to introduce myself. I am Len Robbins, Executive Governor of the Bank of the United States of America – Homerville, Georgia branch.
The issue at hand is in respect to a sum of money, $27,500,000.00 US dollars already in our correspondent private banking. Originated by my predecessor, he could not complete the transfer as he was killed in the civil war by the rebels from, oh, let’s say, South Dakota.
However, while going through all the transfers made upon my appointment, I happened to run into this transfer still virgin.
This account was opened by a foreigner. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but received no reply. Finally we discovered the foreigner had died in a hot-dog eating contest accident (very common here).
On further investigation, I found that he died without making a Will, and all attempts to contact next of kin were abortive as no one has come to claim his funds.
According to the laws of my country, after 5 (five) months, the funds will be unclaimed and revert to oil company profits.
In order to avert this development, I now seek your permission to allow an attorney (from the much respected lawyer firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe) to do a backdated Will in your name, so the funds can be released to you as the beneficiary of the fund so that I will use my vital power and personality to back you up so that we can join hand together to obtain the necessary document that will back the fund and make sure that the money is transferred into your account.
Hence, I solicit your indulgence to assist and see that the total sum of money is transferred to your bank account and to be shared at the ratio of 50% 50% each.
I will not fail to bring to your notice that this business transaction is 100% risk and trouble free and that you should not entertain any fear as all modalities for fund transfer can be finalized within 7 to 9 banking days. You are only required to send me your full name, banking account number for the transfer, age and marital status, and amount currently in your banking account, and $80,000.00 US dollars to pay fees for much respected lawyer firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe.
Please note that this transaction is strictly confidential and must be treated with utmost secrecy.
When you send the funds to the much respected lawyer firm Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, I will explain how I came about your coordinates.
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
