A disgruntled reader recently forwarded the following to me.

I have edited it a good bit, taking out parts that weren’t fit for printing in a family newspaper, and also inserting parts that aren’t fit for printing in a family newspaper.

If you find it offensive, sexist, or not funny, I accept no responsibility. If you think it’s hilarious, I take full credit.

Basically, the below is a quiz that measures how well men are treating their special lady friend, using an easy-to-follow point system of merit/demerit that I don’t understand at all. You will be graded at the end of class.

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed.....+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..... 0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..... -1

You leave the toilet seat up...... -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..... 0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..... -1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom..... -2

You check out a suspicious noise at night...... 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..... +5

You pummel it with a six iron..... +10

It’s a plant ....... -40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party...... 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy...... -2

Named Tiffany....... -4

Tiffany is a dancer....... -10

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday...... 0

You buy a card and flowers..... 0

You take her out to dinner..... 0

You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar..... +1

Okay, it is a sports bar..... -2

And it’s all-you-can-eat night..... -3

It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..... -10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal...... 0

The pal is happily married...... +1

The pal is single...... -7

He drives a Corvette....... -10

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie..... +2

You take her to a movie she likes..... +4

You take her to a movie you hate...... +6

You take her to a movie you like...... -2

It’s called “Death Cop 3”...... -3

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans..... -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans..... -15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly....... -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...... +10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...... -30

You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”...... .-800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”

You hesitate in responding..... -10

You reply, “Where?”....... -35

You reply, “No, I think it’s your butt.”...... -100

Any other response....... -20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying concern....... 0

You listen, for over 30 minutes....... +5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience..... +50

You’re mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying “well, what do you think I should do”...... -50

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..... +100

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep..... -200

I think I failed. How about you?

• Len Robbins is editor of The Clinch County News. Email him at lrobbins@theclinchcountynews.com.